Monday, May 19, 2008

The Man Meme

Okay, I saw this first at blackbird's and then over at jen's....

A poll, from Esquire magazine.

Since he just had his fortieth birthday I figured I'd give it a go.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. — Depends on the subject matter - ask him about pipe layout or construction? yes. Girl drama advice for my daughter when she comes home crying? A bit more wordy.

2. Tell if someone is lying. — Yes, and I'm the one usually giving people the benefit of the doubt...

3. Take a photo. — He can, but not well.

4. Score a baseball game. — Not sure...he watches enough of it so he SHOULD be able to...

5. Name a book that matters. — No.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. — Music? Not his thing.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. — Absolutely, I'm more of the griller, anyway.

8. Not monopolize the conversation. — He doesn't have a chance.

9. Write a letter. — Can he write a letter? Yes. Would he? Probably not.

10. Buy a suit. — Again, he can and would if he had to. Last suit he bought? 1996.

11. Swim three different strokes. — No, but he can swim across the lake...

12. Show respect without being a suck-up. — For sure. A suck-up is one thing my husband is not.

13. Throw a punch. — No doubt.

14. Chop down a tree. — Yes, it's part of the job description when you own 31 acres of woods in Maine and use a woodstove to heat your home. Plus it might be a part of his actual job description...

15. Calculate square footage. — Absolutely.

16. Tie a bow tie. — Not correctly.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. — No, actually, he can't.

18. Speak a foreign language. — Nope.

19. Approach a woman out of his league. — Not sure when this would come in handy but he's fairly comfortable around anyone.

20. Sew a button. — I’ll ask him -He could, but he wouldn't be happy.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. — Xenophobic? Probably not. Insulting soccer? Quite possibly.

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. — *grin*

23. Be loyal. — Yes.

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. — Yes, sadly I can't say the same for myself.

25. Drive an eight penny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. — Um, yes.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. — Yes, and he catches dinner almost weekly in the summer. Fresh striped bass is good for the soul.

27. Play gin with an old guy. — Okay, I'll say that his dad would be considered an old, yes.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. — No, he could care less, I'm sure.

30. Feign interest. — See #29...if someone were explaining he'd try not to be rude. If it were me talking about dinner? Different story.

31. Make a bed. — He can and does. Although, not the way I'd like it.

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.'d go like this: *wrinkled nose* "yuck".

33. Hit a jump shot in pool. — No, but he's better at pool than I expect him to be.

34. Dress a wound. — He handled most of the recent knee injury himself (doctor's visits, dressing changes, etc) and handled it well.

35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil. — All three, without a problem.

36. Make three different bets at a craps table. — No, he's never learned how to play.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards. — Yep.

38. Tell a joke. — He's not much of a joke teller.

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. — He's not here to ask so I'll go with a big maybe.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. — Yes, and sometimes loud enough for EVERYONE to hear.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. — I'm assuming these aren't questions about his voice decibel level - but yes, he can order all by himself.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
Of course.

44. Ask for help.– He can. But he hates to.

45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. — I would assume so.

46. Tell a woman’s dress size. — No.

47. Recite one poem from memory. — No.

48. Remove a stain. — I don't believe he's ever tried.

49. Say no. — With ease. Unless it's my 87 year old neighbor asking....

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. — Yep, good egg cooker.

51. Build a campfire. — In the rain, even.

52. Step into a job no one wants to do. — Yes.

53. Sometimes, kick some ass. — Not lately, but he could. And would.

54. Break up a fight. — He could and might, depending on the circumstances.

55. Point to the north at any time. — Hmmm, I'll have to ask.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. — Not in his life. He might even ask "what's a playlist?"

57. Explain what a light-year is. — Maybe a half-baked explanation...maybe.

58. Avoid boredom. — Rarely is this guy bored.

59. Write a thank-you note. — have yet to see it happen.

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. — yes, toothpaste.

61. Cook bacon. — yes and thank god because I hate to.

62. Hold a baby. — He sure can.

63. Deliver a eulogy. — I don't think he could make it through.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. — I'm not going out on a limb to say that he's got no idea...

65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. — yes and yes. the jump shot? not so much.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. — Yes.

69. Tie a knot. — I'm sure he can, but not 176 different variations...

70. Shake hands. — He does.

71. Iron a shirt. — yes, not the best job but hey - he irons.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. — Nope, that's my gig.

73. Caress a woman’s neck. — He can.

74. Know some birds. — There are people who don't know birds? Like Robins and Cardinals?

75. Negotiate a better price. — I'd say not really, it's something he hates doing.

Does he come off like a knuckle-dragger, with all this no reading, sports watching, fish catching, wine-hating type of stuff? Well, watch what you say...he throws a mean left hook.


Jennifer said...

Hey.. that's a great one.. I may do this one too :)

You've got a great guy there!

blackbird said...

I was shocked to learn that all of my boys knew the how to break another man's grip on their wrist. I think they teach it in boy school.
(Twist your wrist/hand toward their thumb.)

Anonymous said...

Yay for Blackbird for starting this new meme. I think it's interesting how different everyone's husbands are. Is yours a knuckle-dragger? I rather doubt it.

Amy said...

Oh I do love this, but it gives me man envy again. Sigh. But no, your husband sounds like a great man to me, not some knuckle dragger. I love your responses, by the way. Love the post.