Monday, February 09, 2009

Grocery Shopping

Dear Market Basket,

Just last week I was cursing DHL as a horrible, terrible company to do business with. But, stunningly, you have far surpassed them. Quite possibly far surpassed EVERY SINGLE COMPANY I HAVE EVER DONE BUSINESS WITH, actually.

I have friends who swear by you and your low prices and so, with a spirit of adventure and a touch of cabin fever I took my daughter food shopping with me. It was probably not the wisest time to go...four thirty on a Saturday afternoon...but I thought, how bad could it possibly be?

I was forgetting two things. One, I hate crowds. Two, I hate crowds of stupid people.

The collective IQ of the shoppers in your store on Saturday? Couldn't be much above, oh I don't know, 36? 42? And there was no freaking shortage of people. Literally, we walked in and my daughter and I just pulled off to the side (1. to grab some bread - which BTW had a hole in the bag and was stale good thing I had to put it back; 2. to gasp at the amount of people vying for space in your dairy section; 3. try to navigate around the bins that are so conventiently placed in front of the doors). Did I see the customer service window at this time? No, I did not. I was, instead, focused on the serpentine route to the cheese.

So, with a spirit of resolve, we set out. My girl? She couldn't walk next to me and chat...there was no room for that. She had to walk in front of me (not behind me and out of sight...far too many people, many of them unwashed.) so there wasn't any chatting just "honey, stop...I've got to get yogurt". Plus, apparently this was PRIME FREAKING TIME for your employees to be restocking the shelves. They clogged the aisles with carts chock full of boxes. You couldn't see around them and couldn't reach around them to get what you needed. Waffles? Fail.

Also, deli? Fail. I will not wait for twenty people to order before I can buy some cheese and a half pound of lunch meat. Do you have the cutesy little pre-order thing like Stop n Shop? Where I can order on the computer in the store and then stop by on my way out? Oh, rest do not.

Some of the middle aisles? Not too bad. I could actually see the low prices that my friends rave about and accordingly, I filled my cart. Again, though, we reach the other end of the store and it's FULL. We could barely navigate the cart in and out of the fruits and vegetables. But we persevered! And I only had to wait 2 and a half minutes for someone to get out of my way so that I could buy hamburger. Which, I would've loved to have gone home without - but the prices, so low, like a siren song....and so I waited.

Did I mention the free cookies? Well, in the little bakery section they put up a tin of cookies...for your munching pleasure. I spy them, let the girlie know and we try to make it over there. Now, I'll tell you...this was a HELLACIOUS trip for an eight year old. Tons of people, most of them mannerless...I thought, hurray - you've been vindicated with free cookies.

But that wasn't to be. A fiftyish lady, decides that she can move her cart faster and she literally cuts us off at the cookie counter taking the Last Freaking Cookie. Last one. She hears my daughter cry foul and she looks at us and takes a bite. Eye contact and everything. I may have made a snide remark in her direction...something along the lines of "oh, NICE" but I was thinking "You freaking lunatic, you make me stop my cart short because you zoom in front of me and then you look at my daughter as you hear her say "There's no more??" and you take a BITE? BITCH!"

The only good decision I made while at Market Basket? Not heading straight to the checkout line but instead locating the customer service window (tucked helpfully in a corner behind bins of food) to see if I needed a check cashing card before writing a check.

And pray tell, I DID need a check cashing card. And guess when I'll get it? 4-6 weeks. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I was told that I could indeed write a check...for $75.00 worth of groceries. Which, I had probably triple that amount in my cart.

My first reaction was to laugh, kindly because he must be kidding. Seriously, $75.00? At other stores you can just write a check -no cards necessary. Seriously? $75.00?

Then your helpful employee asks if I do 'telephone banking' to which I reply "WHAT? On the phone?" But what I'm thinking is more like "Is it 1995 back behind that customer service desk? Telephone banking?"

He proceeds to half ass explain to me about calling my bank to get a larger check approved. Which I completly misunderstand because five minutes later he's asking me, again about telephone banking and telling me that he tried to access my account but he needed the PIN number and would I just give that to him? To which I laughed at him and told him to just approve the $75.00 check. My girl, gamely goes and gets me a spare cart and I proceed to unload everything but $66.00 worth of groceries into it. Including the stale bread.

Your helpful employee tells me that my card will arrive in 4-6 weeks (speedy! Some stores give them out that day! Is it 1990 back there?) and that next time I come I should just stop by the service desk first.

My response? "Kind of presumptious to think there WILL be a next time"

I spent far too much time in that store. Comparing prices and finding groceries that I needed. Well, actually, that I still NEED as I couldn't really buy them. My husband told me that I should've just left everything and walked out. Which, I guess I could've but 1. Our dinner was in that cart; 2. The next day's dinner was in that cart (scheduled to be in the crockpot by 8 a.m.; 3. Those freaking prices...they are low. Asparagus? $1.69!

And so, with that...I still hate you, Market Basket. Are you busy next Sunday at 7 a.m.?

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Dudes, I am on a tear

Pissing me off no particular order:

1. DHL. Dear DHL, you suck. And FedEx is cheaper. Love, Jenny P.S. Srsly. SUCK.

2. This show, Lie to Me* *the truth is written all over our faces.

Okay this is one show that I will NEVER see. Why? Because of the stupid asterisk. Lie to Me? A fine title. Add the asterisk and little subtitle and I'm not watching.

3. Our superintendent. Hey, four inches of ice coating every driveway in town? Too bad, get to the bus stop. The mere THREAT of a snow storm? He closed school at four p.m. The day before.

4. Radio commercials with sirens in them. There's a few of them that I hear when I'm driving causing me to check my mirrors for oncoming fire trucks or police cars. Which, of course, are never there.

5. Animal shelters that charge $425.00 for a mixed breed/mutt puppy. And require a two hundred dollar obedience school commitment on top of that. WTF, I'll just go to a breeder then.

6. These freaky people at the library book sale I'm going to tonight. They wait in line all wrapped up in giant sheets or some shit with bags and scanners and then they RUN to the books and just pile them up and cover them with their sheets. There are quite a few of them and once they're done piling up books (think hundreds and hundreds of books) they get these scanner gizmos out and scan each and every book...for what? We don't know. BUT I HATE IT. It adds an element of stress to the night that just pisses me off.

7. Oh, the bottom of the screen it says..."Could not contact Saving and publishing may fail. Retrying...."

Making me happy?
#7 is no longer an issue.