Monday, June 05, 2006

The boy is, by most accounts, a really good kid. He is. His teachers love him, parents complement me, he's got alot of friends but all I wonder is...when do I get to lay off? I feel like there's so much parenting - too much parenting him and not enough enjoying him.

My husband has accused me of never being satisfied. Not to say I'm a perfectionist, because I'm not but I always feel like I'm missing out, that I want more. I appreciate what I have, most of the time, but I spend far too much time wanting what I don't have. Or can't have. And probably don't even need. It's a crappy way to be. It's not just a material thing either.

Because I project it onto the kids. Far too much. I was going to cancel the hooky day tomorrow just because instead of reading before bed he spent the time sorting his baseball cards. Granted, as he went upstairs it was with a snide comment (another marvelous trait of mine) but he had already done his homework, finished up his book report book, made up a word search and helped his dad pick up roof shingles from the eldery neighbor's roofing job? Does he really HAVE to read, why did I insist on reading? what the hell is wrong with sorting baseball cards? I guess it's more the snide comment that frosted my ass but is that nuts? To cancel an entire day of fun because of one sentence? Why do I always feel like his behavior/attitude or whatever should be better? How can I let 10 minutes of bickering with his sister set the tone for the rest of the day?

He says I'm the strictest mom he knows. I tell him I'm diligent. He doesn't have the computer/tv/video game freedom that most of his friends have. He has an early bedtime, doesn't freak when I tell him he can't have Coke to drink while his cousin smirks in his face and gulps down a can, and still cuddles up with me on the couch to watch Frontier House. The rational side of me knows he's off to a fine start, but when will I let myself actually believe it?

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